I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
