U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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