I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
