One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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