Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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