What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm getting married
To pizza
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
