i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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