Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The uberlube is also flammable
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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