He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
