is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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