I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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