i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
