You're my little dorito
I could make wine with my vomit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
