'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
