why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
