I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
