i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
