weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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