I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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