please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
