Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
