It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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