thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
