I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
