Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i think i just lost a toe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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