she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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