I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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