It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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