Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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