Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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