u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
