i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
