you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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