Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.

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(757): View more from Virginia

my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

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(303): View more from Colorado

high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid

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(352): View more from Florida

But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.

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(315): View more from New York

So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!

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(303): View more from Colorado

shit... I double booked my fuck buddies

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