Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my shit smells like andre
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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