Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
