He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
