I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
