i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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