The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think a kid would responsible me up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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