You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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