they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
