Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
