My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
