ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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