i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
