OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
