A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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