dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
