Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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