She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
