In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
