Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
