When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
