that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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