"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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