i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
