FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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