I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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