Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
