did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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