dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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