i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
