Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize