so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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