You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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