I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
