So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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