your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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